@Penang, Malaysia !
Anyway, here we are, on the 4th day of 2020. While most people have already begun to forget what their 2020 resolutions were, we on the other hand have not even started listing out our resolutions. In fact, I was totally not in the mood in receiving 2020. Not sure whether its the (Late)-quarter-life crisis thing, or that reality is just too harsh to accept.
Grandma is bed-ridden for nearly 9 months now. Sometimes it aches me so much to see her like that that I prayed for her easy passing 'as soon as possible'. No I am cursing her in any way, but I hope she is relieved of this long arduous torment. It will a tragedy for all of us who are living, but it will be a blessing for her. To die is to relieve you see. Imagine laying down on a bed, not mobile in anyway, to only wake up to eat and then to sleep again... It is the part of life where most people refuse to acknowledge - the edge of death. Some people have it easy with short and quick end, but for some, it is a slow painful journey. Of course, we often pray for health & longevity in our loved ones, but you see, longevity only means much if they have the freedom to move about and to do what they like. In grandma's case, longevity is meaningless to her and it is obvious she has lost the will to live. She merely survived.
Another tragic thing that has just happened is that mommy on the other hand, has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. Her CT scan shows a 7cm tumor in her upper left lobe. She is devastated definitely, but she has been trying hard to hold herself up in front of us. 'I have no regrets now' she would say, 'Both of you have grown up so well.' However, her seemingly courage would give her in whenever we asked her about her consultations with the specialists. She would have no opinions whenever the doctor explained about her conditions, she didn't dare to ask much, nor she wanted to know much too. She didn't even dare to ask whether it was critical and whether her cancer was metastatic... We are worried of course, but judging by her character, it is best to not push her too hard or she will definitely break. She will be doing her PET Scan this monday, and hopefully, miraculously, everything is localized. This would mean high chance of curability or to put it more bluntly, survival rate...
It is really the worst start to a new decade, and to a new blog too, isn't it ? I can foresee that 2020 will be a year that requires lots of mental strength and courage in us, so may we have just to brave through this year. Cheers.
xoxo.
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